Wednesday, July 31, 2013

This really never gets any easier...

Saying goodbye is undoubtedly one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I always like to put up the front that because I lived my whole life as a Military BRAT and now that I'm Active Duty I'm used to saying goodbye, it's just part of the lifestyle and you will get used to it.  That is absolute bull shit and not true in any way, shape or form.  Saying goodbye to someone who has taken root in your heart and in your life is never easy.  I cannot count the number of friends I've said goodbye to, or the amount of tears I've shed in sadness, but I can for sure tell you how times I have parted ways with someone who held that special place in my heart and we still keep in touch.  I tell you this because today that number grew by 5 (well technically 6).  I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends and her kids.

Saying goodbye in this day and age is a lot different than when I had to say goodbye as a kid.  Now we have cellphones and Skype... OMG Skype is so amazing.  When I was a kid it was will you write to me?? Now it's, ok we're on FaceBook, we have  Email, Skype and texting.

Part of what makes this goodbye especially hard is that I have a special role in this friendship.  I currently hold this role with 2 of my other friends who have kiddos.  I am "Momma Rachel," and these are the first children I ever held that particular role with.  I have been Momma Rachel since E was 18 months, D was still in utero.  E number 2 came along almost 2 years ago and he and I were just starting to bond, the stinker wanted to hold out on me.  Now that number will grow by 1 by the end of the year and I will be graduating from tech school when A is born.  I wanted nothing more than to be there when A is born, to give my friend comfort and strength and be Momma Rachel while she and her DH are in the hospital, but it is the way of life for military families, we have to say goodbye at the most in-opportune times and it is never a good feeling.  When you say goodbye to one of your best friends it's hard but when Momma Rachel has to say goodbye it's especially hard.  As we sat in the hotel room, that sinking feeling that one of us was going to have to go home and that one was me started to hit us.  I felt that semi park itself on my chest and that magic lump appeared in my throat, I knew it was time to go.  Otherwise I might have just found some room in her luggage and stowed away so I could go with.  The tears started to stream silently down our faces and we apologized for crying (why we do this I'll never know).  It was time to hug the kiddos so that they didn't see the complete mess we were about to become but alas one of them said "But I'm going to miss you!" and broke down in tears and we followed suit.  The biggest E says it perfectly, "No one we miss is ever truly gone, we carry them in our hearts with us wherever we go."  Seriously, the kid is 7, where he learned this stuff I'll never know but boy was he right.  Still it doesn't make the initial goodbye any easier.  We knew this day would come, we hadn't necessarily planned out this day but it was inevitable that She, her husband and 3 soon to be 4 kiddos would be heading to the airport on to their next adventure.  Honestly if I had a big enough vehicle and if I didn't have an appointment first thing in the morning I'd be taking them to the airport, but it's probably good that I'm not since driving 60 MPH down I-5 in morning traffic with tears in your eyes isn't the wisest choice in the world.

E was right, they are all in my heart and I will take them where ever I go.  Even in this moment of true sadness I know the kids are old enough to know what's going on but still young enough to not really know how to process it, we will be in each others hearts always and that when that longing to hear a voice or see a face is so great that we cannot stand it any longer a phone call or a Skype date will happen and it will be as if we are right next to each other again.

J, we've been through so much together over these past 6 years that words cannot describe what a huge place you have in my heart.   The only way I can say it is I love you.

Rachel

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